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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 19:34:01 GMT 9.5
I really couldn't go on. Apart from all the obvious things that are wrong with it, much as I tease, Raoul isn't that girly! Edit: Oh my God! "It took me a few moments to recognise it as something Erik had said… shortly before he had begun to touch my manhood. Oh, that was an extremely pleasant thought! At once my member stirred; it seemed to like the memory as well." All together now: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 19:35:55 GMT 9.5
My favourite line so far- "Could it be possible that he was drunk?" Taking advantage!
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 19:38:02 GMT 9.5
"“Turn around, Erik… please!” I whispered, touching his upper arm softly. “I can’t,” he mumbled, shrugging off my hand. “But why not?” I wanted to know shyly. “I just want to kiss you and… things like that… Wouldn’t you like it?” His reply consisted of a single sentence. “Look at the table!” I did what he told me, and suddenly comprehension dawned on me. On the table, shining in the moonlight coming through the window, lay his mask."
I *facepalm* so hard my hand comes out through the back of my skull.
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 19:41:58 GMT 9.5
It's like a car crash- you can't look away but you want to!
I know Raoul has to be the feminine one, but come on! "Yet before I could move his arms had sneaked around my waist, pulling me closer till I sat sideways on his lap. My legs were dangling down at one side, and I had to bend my body at a very awkward angle to reach his lips, but I didn´t care."
Ditto on the *facepalm*
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 19:44:43 GMT 9.5
I see you looked at chapter 3 as well, unwinding.
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 19:46:54 GMT 9.5
After my initial revulsion... You're right, it's just incredibly funny. There are so many *facepalm* moments I'm having trouble picking which ones to share! *giggletantrum**giggletantrum**giggletantrum*
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 19:47:19 GMT 9.5
There's more chapters of this thing? Some people have too much time on their hands....
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 19:49:43 GMT 9.5
There's 30 chapters. Here's a classic from Chapter 4: By the time his mouth wandered down my chest I was already panting slightly, wondering how much better it could get. He circled my navel briefly, but his ultimate goal seemed to be a different spot. My member twitched. Did it know something I didn’t? Then everything fell into place. “Erik, are you going to… to put your lips on my… my thing?” I blurted out. |
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 19:52:22 GMT 9.5
Yes, the member knows all! *giggletantrum* If I don't come back here tomorrow, it's because I've suffocated from the hilarity. |
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Post by neh on Mar 28, 2008 19:54:49 GMT 9.5
No, no - it's just... and the... THE SHAME OF IT! *not of slash itself, but of anyone ever conceiving that this pairing could work* And "my thing"  ?? This author is 24 years old (i had to look at the profile, i was too grotesqely intruiged) and they write like that? I can't understand - 30 chaps of this drivel!!! And people read it... people review it... GAUGH! |
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 19:58:59 GMT 9.5
Not only do people review it, but they encouraged the author to continue! There's an audience for this stuff?!
Besides Warlovians in need of amusement, of course XD
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 20:01:47 GMT 9.5
I wonder if this has been posted at phanwank...
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:01:53 GMT 9.5
^ XD Now I'm even more amused! All the spelling errors, hideous lack of grammar, and some daft woman's 13-year'-old mind *********** really bad slash.
Jeez, dream effing in chapter 6.
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 20:03:42 GMT 9.5
From chapter 6: Apparently my presence of mind was not enough to open my trousers and pull out my member yet. That was something I’d have to work on. Um, what? XD |
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:04:51 GMT 9.5
How did we get from "AW is not..." to the worst piece of slash any of us have ever seen?
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:04:58 GMT 9.5
Oh Jeez, even the intended porn in this porn is crap! "Lady Hélène looked up at Lord Albert, her chest heaving in the tightly laced corset. “You are my saviour,” she breathed, her full red lips shining in the light of the full moon coming through the window. “Without you I would have never escaped from the dreadful fate of having to marry my despicable fiancé. How can I ever repay you, my Lord?” Lord Albert chuckled his deep, sensual chuckle and ran a hand through his thick blond hair. “Looking at this delectable bosom of yours I can think of quite a few things,” he replied, picking her up in his strong arms and carrying her to the bed." OMG!! *giggletantrum* At this point I couldn’t go on. Looking up from the page I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Did anyone actually want to read such nonsense? |
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:11:24 GMT 9.5
*giggletantrum* implied porn? I like the author's initial note- "isn't senseless sex". It's Erik/Raoul slash. Of course its pointless!
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 20:14:43 GMT 9.5
I'm trying not to post this stuff, but... more WTF-ery brought to you from Chapter 8.
"For once I was glad about Erik’s reflexes. He managed to cut off my stupid sentence with a kiss before I had even noticed he had turned around. His lips were soft and warm and wonderfully familiar.
“Could you do that every time I start talking nonsense?” I asked, still a little breathlessly, as the kiss ended.
“Only when I’m around,” he answered meaningfully."
It's astral-projection!Anthony all over again! *giggletantrum*
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:18:21 GMT 9.5
Are you skimming for all the "juicy" bits, unwinding?
I am. XD
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:20:28 GMT 9.5
"sucking a mango fruit"? *giggletantrum*
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:23:37 GMT 9.5
Okay, I'm on chapter 9 and I just started to hear my father grumbling at the footy:
"If you pair of wankers - "
...
This isn't helping cut down 10pm, is it? ((but it's so funny!))
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Post by unwinding_fantasy on Mar 28, 2008 20:25:11 GMT 9.5
Are you skimming for all the "juicy" bits, unwinding? I am. XD  Course not. I'm there for the literary genius. Erik: “Of course I want you,” he assured me. “If you knew how much I want you, you’d be shocked. And the thought of you kneeling in front of me, those luscious lips on my p  s… Oh, it makes me want to rip off my clothes and just let you do it!” |
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:27:32 GMT 9.5
That's the problem with this "smut"- it's hilarious at the same time!
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:32:14 GMT 9.5
Didn't he just sound absolutely gay in that? I felt like he was going to burst into a song and dance.
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:35:47 GMT 9.5
Overheard from the TV- "A little slash?" It's everywhere!
It reminded me of Spamalot- "And I too have found my grail! What's that? Musical theatre!"
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Post by Marie-Cris on Mar 28, 2008 20:39:52 GMT 9.5
>)_<
End of chapter 14!!
EDIT:
>)_<
CHAPTER 15!
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Post by killerbananas on Mar 28, 2008 20:41:58 GMT 9.5
"pushed it away from the shore with the pole he apparently used for rowing."
Is he punting or rowing? Make up your mind!
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?? This author is 24 years old (i had to look at the profile, i was too grotesqely intruiged) and they write like that?
Course not. I'm there for the literary genius.
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